Tag Archives: friend

TBT – That Time I Got De-Friended (Goodbye!)

You might have been wondering what prompted me to write that rant on Facebook de-friending. Well, as a reminder, I wrote it four years ago. As I said yesterday, these stories tend to be good ones. AND! This was from back in the day, before you could just hide someone from your news feed.

I wrote the pre-cursor to yesterday’s post in response to being de-friended. Oh, and I posted it somewhere that the “friend” would be able to easily see it. Passive aggressive? Yes. Worth it? Probably. You see, this came OUT OF NOWHERE. The person who did this was one of my best friends and her way of ending our friendship was by de-friending me on Facebook. That’s also passive aggressive. I probably would have NEVER wrote something like that had I discovered that some random classmate de-friended me. On with the story!

Flashback to Summer 2009. Neon was just sort of becoming a thing, the recession was at it’s worst, and nobody had jobs. I had a great group of friends that I had known seemingly forever. We loved hanging out and we had absolutely no problem with doing low key things, like watching TV shows or movies at someone’s house because we were all equally broke and couldn’t afford going out to dinner or shopping at the mall. One of our friends was KNOWN for being a drama queen and a major one upper. If you told her that your life was going well, hers was going SO MUCH BETTER. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you were down in the dumps, there was NO WAY things could be any worse than they were for her. While it was annoying, my friends and I tended to look past her antics because we all had the same twisted sense of humor.

We had been there through thick and thin for each other for YEARS and this summer we were ALL having a hard time. My parents weren’t working, one friend’s grandfather was on the decline, another friend worked at a camp for kids with special needs and it was really taking it’s toll on her. Our resident crazy girl (let’s call her Cray, makes it SO much easier) knew all this…so she proceeded to tell us how EVERYBODY in her family got laid off the same week and HER grandfather was sick as well….The life of Cray. The summer went on and suddenly Cray just stopped coming to things. She wouldn’t call or text in advance, she just wouldn’t show up. If we asked her where she was, she would just say that her grandfather was sick so she couldn’t make it. We didn’t want to pry too much and while we didn’t care if she missed pizza night, she started to miss some large, planned events like birthdays and holiday celebrations. At this point, we were still in contact with her and while she was willing to spill how hard it was with her family not working and her grandfather being ill, she never once asked any of us how we were doing. I’m pretty easy going so I just shrugged it off but my other two friends were getting angrier each week. The final straw for them came when she missed my birthday party without a word to any of us. I didn’t want to make waves, so I didn’t say anything, but I was really disappointed. The other two texted her asking where she was (her grandfather was sick so she couldn’t make it) and then vowed to stop speaking to her.

I’m honestly not sure if the other two said anything to Cray between my birthday party and a few days later when I posted on her Facebook wall, but she BLEW UP at me. I simply wrote a message on her wall asking how her grandfather was doing. I mean, she missed one of her “best friend’s” birthdays because he was sick, so I was worried! For some reason, this set her off but instead of calling me or texting or even privately messaging me, she wrote back on my Facebook wall saying that she couldn’t believe that I thought she was lying and that I was a terrible friend. Since I’m not a big fan of airing one’s dirty laundry on Facebook, I texted her and let her know that I was actually curious about how he was doing, but she just kept taking it the wrong way. Shortly after that, she wound up de-friending us.

I found out about this few weeks later. I figured things had cooled down and went to her Facebook just to say hi, only to find out that we were no longer friends. I let the other two know and they confirmed that she had also de-friended them. Additionally, her other “best friend” had de-friended all of us. Interesting. Anywho. I was honestly just shocked that she would do that. Looking back, I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised since she was known for being a drama queen.

Now that I’m older, I definitely have less friends but they are all people that I enjoy being around. Cray was basically the equivalent of a tornado – she sucked us into her mess and destroyed everything in her path on MULTIPLE occasions. While at the time I’m sure I thought it was the end of the world to lose her as a friend, you eventually realize that you won’t have all your friends “forever”. I also understand that you do fall out of touch with people, but occasionally you might want to reach out to them, which is why I don’t go de-friending people that I don’t talk to “anymore”. Hopefully I’ve moved out of the phase of my life where relationships are filled with “drama”. I thought it would all be over with high school, but as some people say, high school never ends.

I know it seems petty to get so upset over Facebook. It’s one thing to decide you don’t want to be friends with a person, but by deleting or blocking someone on Facebook, that’s also saying you don’t want the other person to ever know anything about your life again. I’m sure there are some people that deserve it (hi stalkers), but I tend to not defriend people I’m no longer friends with.

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Defining Friendship

My mom used to tell me I had no friends. Okay, that might be making it sound harsh. Let’s try this again…when I would come home from school and talk about my friends, there would be times where my mom would tell me that they were not my friends. This wouldn’t be a daily occurrence  but would be used when I wanted to something with my friends that conflicted with some family event or when my plans would fall through and I’d be upset. She would tell me that they were my “acquaintances” which was a rather large word for my middle-school-self to grasp. Basically, I wasn’t friends with all twenty five kids in my language arts class.

Now that I am older, I am DEFINITELY not friends with all twenty five kids that were in my language arts class. Even thinking back to my “close” friends from the K-12 days, I’m not friends with most of them anymore. I was reminded of this when I was visiting Manhattan during the holidays…on the train back, I saw a girl that looked familiar. She called out my name and it turned out it was one of my friends from my Girl Scout troop. We had been especially close early on in high school. I sat with her for the hour long train ride and I had imagined that we would have talked non-stop and pissed off the other passengers. Instead, we quickly caught each other up on major life details (she went to grad school out west and now works for a non-profit back home, her sister is doing well up in Boston) and then ran out of things to talk about. It was strange that we used to have sleepovers that lasted for DAYS and now we had  nothing to say to each other.

Even before leaving home for college, I grouped my friends based on how I knew them. Cheerleading friends, camp friends, music friends. This continued into college with sorority friends and dorm friends. Now, I lump them into broader groups.

Home Friends

Whenever I go home, there’s a handful of people that I always see. I’ve actually been friends with the majority of them since elementary school. What’s interesting is that I was friends with each one of them separately and later on they all became friends with each other. When I moved back home for an extended period of time, we would do EVERYTHING as a group. There are also some people that I was close with in high school that I will definitely make time for, but it’s not like I see them EVERY time I go home.

Undergrad U Friends

From my freshman floor, I talk to one person on a regular basis and it’s my ex-boyfriend. Not even my roommates. I don’t talk to anybody from my classes (maybe that’s because I took my career in a completely different direction). The people I still talk to from college can be lumped into “music friends” and “sorority friends” but I feel like as the years go on, there are less I talk to from each group. I do still try to go back for large events sponsored by each group and it’s great to see my fellow alum when I head back. Also, a lot of my friends from these groups both stayed close to our college town, so sometimes I will head up there even when there’s no big event!

Grad School State Friends

My cohort was rather close, but I haven’t seen any of them since we graduated. I chat online with them every so often. What’s nice is that we all have similar jobs, so we can toss ideas back and forth. Several of us are from the same area originally and we tried to plan something for over break, but the snow decided to ruin those plans. I would love to get together with them sometime! We kept joking about going to ACPA in Vegas…but let’s be serious, we’re all poor.

New Friends

Now that I have lived here for over six months, I’m starting to make new friends, including some that don’t work at PDFM U! I know someday I will leave this place and I’m curious to see which friends stick around for the long haul.

How do you like to stay in touch with all your friends from the past? Any fun traditions?

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