You might have been wondering what prompted me to write that rant on Facebook de-friending. Well, as a reminder, I wrote it four years ago. As I said yesterday, these stories tend to be good ones. AND! This was from back in the day, before you could just hide someone from your news feed.
I wrote the pre-cursor to yesterday’s post in response to being de-friended. Oh, and I posted it somewhere that the “friend” would be able to easily see it. Passive aggressive? Yes. Worth it? Probably. You see, this came OUT OF NOWHERE. The person who did this was one of my best friends and her way of ending our friendship was by de-friending me on Facebook. That’s also passive aggressive. I probably would have NEVER wrote something like that had I discovered that some random classmate de-friended me. On with the story!
Flashback to Summer 2009. Neon was just sort of becoming a thing, the recession was at it’s worst, and nobody had jobs. I had a great group of friends that I had known seemingly forever. We loved hanging out and we had absolutely no problem with doing low key things, like watching TV shows or movies at someone’s house because we were all equally broke and couldn’t afford going out to dinner or shopping at the mall. One of our friends was KNOWN for being a drama queen and a major one upper. If you told her that your life was going well, hers was going SO MUCH BETTER. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you were down in the dumps, there was NO WAY things could be any worse than they were for her. While it was annoying, my friends and I tended to look past her antics because we all had the same twisted sense of humor.
We had been there through thick and thin for each other for YEARS and this summer we were ALL having a hard time. My parents weren’t working, one friend’s grandfather was on the decline, another friend worked at a camp for kids with special needs and it was really taking it’s toll on her. Our resident crazy girl (let’s call her Cray, makes it SO much easier) knew all this…so she proceeded to tell us how EVERYBODY in her family got laid off the same week and HER grandfather was sick as well….The life of Cray. The summer went on and suddenly Cray just stopped coming to things. She wouldn’t call or text in advance, she just wouldn’t show up. If we asked her where she was, she would just say that her grandfather was sick so she couldn’t make it. We didn’t want to pry too much and while we didn’t care if she missed pizza night, she started to miss some large, planned events like birthdays and holiday celebrations. At this point, we were still in contact with her and while she was willing to spill how hard it was with her family not working and her grandfather being ill, she never once asked any of us how we were doing. I’m pretty easy going so I just shrugged it off but my other two friends were getting angrier each week. The final straw for them came when she missed my birthday party without a word to any of us. I didn’t want to make waves, so I didn’t say anything, but I was really disappointed. The other two texted her asking where she was (her grandfather was sick so she couldn’t make it) and then vowed to stop speaking to her.
I’m honestly not sure if the other two said anything to Cray between my birthday party and a few days later when I posted on her Facebook wall, but she BLEW UP at me. I simply wrote a message on her wall asking how her grandfather was doing. I mean, she missed one of her “best friend’s” birthdays because he was sick, so I was worried! For some reason, this set her off but instead of calling me or texting or even privately messaging me, she wrote back on my Facebook wall saying that she couldn’t believe that I thought she was lying and that I was a terrible friend. Since I’m not a big fan of airing one’s dirty laundry on Facebook, I texted her and let her know that I was actually curious about how he was doing, but she just kept taking it the wrong way. Shortly after that, she wound up de-friending us.
I found out about this few weeks later. I figured things had cooled down and went to her Facebook just to say hi, only to find out that we were no longer friends. I let the other two know and they confirmed that she had also de-friended them. Additionally, her other “best friend” had de-friended all of us. Interesting. Anywho. I was honestly just shocked that she would do that. Looking back, I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised since she was known for being a drama queen.
Now that I’m older, I definitely have less friends but they are all people that I enjoy being around. Cray was basically the equivalent of a tornado – she sucked us into her mess and destroyed everything in her path on MULTIPLE occasions. While at the time I’m sure I thought it was the end of the world to lose her as a friend, you eventually realize that you won’t have all your friends “forever”. I also understand that you do fall out of touch with people, but occasionally you might want to reach out to them, which is why I don’t go de-friending people that I don’t talk to “anymore”. Hopefully I’ve moved out of the phase of my life where relationships are filled with “drama”. I thought it would all be over with high school, but as some people say, high school never ends.
I know it seems petty to get so upset over Facebook. It’s one thing to decide you don’t want to be friends with a person, but by deleting or blocking someone on Facebook, that’s also saying you don’t want the other person to ever know anything about your life again. I’m sure there are some people that deserve it (hi stalkers), but I tend to not defriend people I’m no longer friends with.