I don’t really talk about relationships on here, especially MY relationships. But, since I recently got out of a “thing” (all you twentysomethings know what I mean) I’ve really started thinking about relationships and dating and how all of that has changed since I am no longer a student. So forgive me if you see more posts than you would like on the matter.
Back when I was younger, I swear I’d never do the whole distance thing. Multiple times. Yet somehow I always wound up doing the distance thing. I did however stick to my guns with not following a boy to college (which I proclaimed that I would never do after watching Topanga follow Cory to clearly a substandard institution – I mean they let Eric in!). In each “stage” of my life, the relationships were very different and how distance affected them was also very different.
Going to College
For most of high school, I dated a jerk. He was terrible and would cancel our plans at the last minute all the time but it didn’t matter because I was gonna graduate and go off to college and never see him again. When we eventually broke up for the last time, it was halfway through my senior year. I had no idea where I was going to college and I was like “WOOHOO FREEDOM!!” …and then I started dating someone who was actually nice and I really liked and I threw everything out the window. My parents probably should have bought stock in Kleenex for the MONTH leading up to move in day. Eight months after we started dating, we were in cities that were HOURS apart without a way of getting to one another. We were busy meeting new people and eventually just decided to break up. We didn’t stop being friends and actually are still pretty close.
This could seriously be a repeat of the above paragraph except for the ending. Towards the end of my last year of Undergrad U, I met this nice guy. He wanted to do the whole relationship thing and for the longest time I was like, “Nope, graduating” but he pointed out all the differences between how things were in high school and how things were at that present moment. We had cars! Cell phones! Texting! Skype! So finally I was like, “Okay, I’ll allow myself to like this person and see where it goes.” And then out of nowhere right before graduation, he dumped me and left me a crying mess. Totally unexpected. So how does this count as doing distance after graduating college? It doesn’t, it’s what happened when I agreed to try. So clearly I should have never done it again. But I did.
I hung around Undergrad U after I graduated since I didn’t have anything else going on in life. And wouldn’t you know it, I just happened to meet a guy. Gosh, it’s like they’re 50% of the population or something. Anywho, looking back, I didn’t like this guy all too much, but once I went off to grad school, the distance allowed me to ignore the negative aspects of his personality and our relationship. It got to a point where we pretty much stopped talking to each other and I honestly don’t know why one of us didn’t just bite the bullet and end it then, but we dragged it out until we saw each other again and then had a huge screaming match about how much we hated each other. Even though we had cars and saw each other frequently (compared to my previous attempt at distance) we had a bad relationship from the beginning and distance was NOT going to make it stronger.
As a “Grown Up”
Considering most of my long distance relationships have involved hours and hours of driving, living only two hours from someone seemed rather “short distance” to me. We both worked in similar fields, so I thought it would be easy. Ummm…we both worked in ResLife, when do we ever get time off?? This time, we both sat down and said, “Hey, we don’t know where this is going, let’s try, but no promises.” And it worked until one of us wanted something different that wasn’t going to happen because we weren’t in the same place. So here I am now…
I am not trying to say that distance doesn’t work…it just doesn’t work for everyone. You need a strong relationship to start to attempt the whole distance thing and I just never had one of those. For those of you making distance work, congrats, I am so proud of you, and I hope you and your honey get to reside in the same zip code soon! As for me, I’m doing my best to avoid distance for now.