Getting Out There

I hate change. There. I said it. Some people would be so happy to throw a dart at a map and travel to wherever it lands. Nope. Not me. I’m honestly getting tired of moving every two years. I’m tired of getting to new places and having to find a new hair dresser, a new dry cleaner, a new dentist, etc.

One problem is I don’t know how to make friends “like a grown up”. Any time I started a new school, I was instantly surrounded by kids my own age. There were not enough tables or seats on the bus to sit by myself. It was almost like I made friends by default. I didn’t have to put effort into it.

I didn’t even realize that I didn’t know how to make friends until after the first year of grad school. I was doing these orientation presentations every day with a girl who looked close to my age and we would chat and finally one day I asked if she wanted to hang out. I felt so nervous, like I was asking her on a date or something. That was how I made my first grown up friend. Unfortunately we now live six hours apart from each other.

I was talking with one of my friends the other night about how he put himself out there and made friends when he moved a year ago. Now, he’s already at a better starting point than me because he’s brave. He transferred to a new school, got involved right away, and once he was initiated into his fraternity, proceeded to friend EVERYBODY in Greek Life at our school on Facebook. I have seen what this man is capable of. When he moved last year, he quickly joined some sports leagues. I don’t play sports, but honestly, I didn’t realize they made sports leagues for grown ups. Maybe some of you readers learned something today.

We also talked about joining a church. I joined a church last year because I really really really missed singing. Joining the choir at this church didn’t lead to me making any friends because most of the members were in the age range of my grandparents. I thought about joining a church here and joining choir, but if I’m on call, I might not be able to go, and if I’m not on call, I’m probably not in town. My friend is also thinking of joining a church by him. He can’t exactly go home on weekends he is free since that involves a plane ride.

I’ve also been trying to make friends with people at work. I work at a really small college and there are only two others in my department. Both are from this area so they have family, friends, and significant others within a thirty minute drive. There’s a few people that I’ve asked to hang out, but every time I do, I feel like this little guy is in my brain repeating this:

So lovely and wonderful readers. How have you done it? How have you made friends after moving?

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3 thoughts on “Getting Out There

  1. eliseblalock says:

    I feel your pain! I’ve moved 17 times and lived in 6 states in the past 12 years and just moved again last Friday. It is exhausting. The best way I’ve met people is through volunteering and friends of friends. Junior League is great for women in the South. Friends have also connected people to me via Facebook. But the most important thing (and I think the hardest), is just putting myself out there and initiating friendships. As the new person, I always want people to invite me but that just doesn’t happen all the time. I also have to remind myself with every new move that I am a fun person and people will want to be my friend but it takes time.

  2. […] I didn’t include in my whiny little entry about how I have no friends is that once upon a time, I was the social planner in my group of friends. It was during the time I […]

  3. […] I caved. I used my blog to figure out how grown ups exist in the real world. Like many posts, I asked for readers to give their input. I hadn’t gotten many comments. In fact, I still haven’t gotten many comments. But on […]

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